12 Things to Avoid Saying During an Argument With Your Partner

Dec 7th, 2018
Curtito Team

Disagreements are common in relationships, and arguments are inevitable. While it is normal for two people to fight in a relationship, there are rules and logic that are applicable. The argument must be healthy in order to not tear the relationship apart, but provide constructive feedback to each other on how it can be made better. Among other rules, you need to be careful about the things you say to your partner during an argument. Here is list of things to avoid saying.

1. Pulling in Views of Other People Might Hurt Your Partner’s Self-Worth

If you are fighting about something that your partner has done, keep the fight to your own reactions. Do not generalize by saying things that indicate the rest of the world thinks similarly about your partner. Your partner could be emotionally hurt if they are made to believe that everyone thinks negatively about them.

2. Pointing It Out That They Are Irrational Cannot Solve A Thing

When two people have an argument, it is common for tempers to rise to the point that one person starts to lose their head, and talk irrationally. If this is what you encounter, you might be tempted to say “You are being irrational, I can’t talk to you”, but this will only lead to more disagreements. Instead, ask them if you could both take some time off, cool down, and have the discussion later.

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3. Asking Them to Get Over Things and Stop Sulking Might Lead to Bitterness

There might be scenarios in which your partner repeatedly gets offended by something, leading to an argument. Instead of trying to figure out the underlying reason for such behavior, if you tend to ask them to “Get over it, and move on”, it will only intensify the emotions they have been bottling up. Try to have an open discussion on how and why a certain set of incidents bother them repeatedly.

4. Comparison Is A Strict ‘No’ In an Argument

It could at times feel like your partner is behaving like their family members or ex-partners, but pointing it out during a fight is not a good idea. You are only going to harm their self-respect through comparisons, and it cannot lead to anything constructive in your specific topic of disagreement.

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5. Using Abusive Language Could Really Hurt Feelings

Calling your partner by insulting names, or using abusive language on them is never constructive, and has the potential to severely damage your relationship. If you are at the receiving end of such behavior, do not retort by being abusive yourself, but take a step back to ask yourself if it is even worth fighting for such a relationship.

6. Blaming Them for Exaggeration Has A Different Time and A Place

When tempers rise high in an argument, it might so happen that your partner tends to exaggerate a condition that led to the fight. In such a situation, instead of asking them to stop exaggerating, it makes more sense to hear them out, and when the argument is over, tell them in a calmer state of mind about their tendencies to exaggerate during fights. If they really value the relationship, they will work on it.

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7. Accusing Them of Always or Never Doing Something Makes the Problem Worse

Let the argument be about what it is at that point of time. If you feel your partner is into a habit of repetitive annoying behavior, a fight is not the right time to point it out. Such issues should be solved separately during a calmer time. If you bring these into an argument, things could get horribly wrong.

8. Telling Them They Have Problems Can Be Humiliating

Instead on focusing on the topic of the argument, if you keep indicating through your words that your partner may have emotional or psychological problems, you end up hurting and humiliating them. If you really feel they need a medical diagnosis, talk about it when you are both at a more peaceful state of mind. Blaming their emotional state for random fights does not produce any positive results.

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9. Giving Ultimatums Makes Arguments Feel Like A Joke

Arguments should bring value to your relationship. This cannot be achieved if you keep threatening your partner by saying things like, “If you don’t listen, I will do this”, as if in a child’s game. It also signifies that you are subjecting your partner to bullying.

10. Silence Is Louder Than Words, But It Doesn’t Help in A Fight

When things get heated up, it is probably simpler to just go silent, and not have to deal with it at all. This behavior, however, sends a wrong signal to your partner, and they feel left out of a conversation. Also, if the conversation is never complete, the issue will never be resolved, and will inevitably lead to similar disagreements in the future.

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11. Indicating Your Incapability to Change Can Really Break Things

No one likes being in a relationship where they are expected to change. That being said, if you constantly harp on it, and make statements during a disagreement about your unwillingness to change, it can totally mean to your partner that you do not value their feelings. Compromise is a part of every relationship, and being flexible to your partner’s needs can make your relationship smoother. Think twice before being too adamant about not changing even the slightest bit.

12. Talking About A Break Can Be Their Ticket to a Break-Up

Asking for a break in a relationship is never a wise thing to do during an argument. If you really need a break from the relationship, think about it in a more peaceful state of mind, and discuss with your partner when you are not fighting. Talking about taking a break during a heated argument often leads either to a complete break-up, or a pile of regrets to brood on later.

An argument in a relationship is a two-way street. It is not enough that you be careful of what you say during a fight. It is also important to convey to your partner that certain words or phrases are off-limits when you are in the middle of a disagreement. Of course, the best time to do that is when your tempers are cool, and you can sit together to have a healthy discussion. When two people know how to respect each other even during fights, a strong and happy togetherness germinates from that behavior.

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